'Log Kya Kahenge' — How the Fear of Judgment is Damaging Mental Health Across India

In my work as a psychologist, the biggest problem I face is not any illness. It is three words: log kya kahenge. I meet smart, successful people who suffered for years before coming to me — not because they didn't need help, but because they were scared of what family, friends, or neighbours would say. In this article, I want to talk about what this fear does to us, and what happens when people finally let it go.

Where It Comes From

The fear of social judgment is not unique to India — but in our culture, it carries a particular weight. We are a collectivist society, meaning the community's perception of us and our families is tied deeply to identity, honour, and belonging. From childhood, many of us absorb the unspoken lesson: your feelings are less important than what the community thinks of your family.

How It Damages Mental Health

We delay seeking help. Many people wait years — sometimes decades — before seeking therapy because of what others might think. By this point, manageable difficulties have often become serious ones.

We carry shame about normal human experiences. Depression, anxiety, relationship difficulty, grief — all normal human experiences — become shameful secrets to be hidden rather than problems to be addressed.

We make major life decisions based on appearances. Staying in harmful relationships or situations because 'what will people say if we leave?' is a direct cost to mental and physical health.

We raise children to do the same. The cycle continues through what we model and what we say.

What Is Actually Changing

India's relationship with mental health support is changing — particularly among urban young adults. Celebrities are speaking openly. Workplaces are introducing mental health days. Young people are less afraid to say 'I see a therapist.' Every conversation is part of that shift.

A Gentle Reframe

The people whose opinions we fear most are usually too preoccupied with their own 'log kya kahenge' to think about ours for long. The question worth asking is not 'what will people say?' It is: 'what will I say to myself in ten years if I do not take care of my wellbeing now?'

A note from my practice: Every week, I see people realise that the judgment they feared was much bigger in their mind than in real life. The relief on their face when therapy finally starts — that is what log kya kahenge takes away from people. Don't let it take that from you.

Ms. Shilpi Aggarwal

RCI Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Psychotherapist · M.Phil Clinical Psychology · 14+ Years Experience · Dwarka, Delhi